I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
