you would pick up someone in the library
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
