i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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