you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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