is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
