The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
