She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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