Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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