btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
