Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
