Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
