You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's like iHOP with fire
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
