Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
