I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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