wrigley field is MILF paradise
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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