Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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