i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
