i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
