All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize