I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
