Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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