I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
