So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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