Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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