"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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