oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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