um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
