I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
