She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
