I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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