just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
