It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
