stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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