dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
