I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
