I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
