Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
