FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
