You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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