just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
