bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
