Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
