Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
