Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
