I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
