cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
