This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
