I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
