One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
