the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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