so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
