Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
high people should be assigned attendants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
