Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
