yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
