weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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