....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
