I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
