he thought i was a dude.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
