you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
