is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
