No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
