is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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